God and Uganda Calling Benefit Concert

So, as the departure date draws nearer (January 2, 2011), I need to raise people who will commit to praying for Uganda, me, and some money to purchase little things like plane tickets. 
Hence, the God and Uganda Calling Benefit Concert! 
Details:
Date: 10/9/10
Time: 6:30-9pm
Location: Venue 515, at 515 Manitou Avenue, Manitou Springs, Colorado
The real deal:
My talented sisters in Christ and closest of friends, Stephanie Pauline will be sharing her music, Moni will emcee, I will share what God has put into my heart with Uganda, and you all will be touched by the Lord while enjoying some light refreshments.  (The counter at Venue 515 will also be selling beverages)
It will be a great night of music, ministry and fun!  Feel free to bring yourself and any of your friends who need something to do on a Saturday night, all are welcome!
I'm so excited to share God's heart with you all, see you there!
You can go to Stephanie's website, listed above, to check out her story, her music, purchase music, and even prepurchase her upcoming music video for "Toy Soldier", as song that has moved not only me, but others-namely some kids in detention centers and residential treatment centers accross the country.  You will be moved straight into the heart of God by listening to her music.  (end of shameless plug) :)

just thoughts

Hi there.  Its becoming more real that I am leaving.  In a month, I'll be out of my apartment.  In 6 weeks, I'll be having a fundraising/information/concert for all of my friends, and in 4 months, I'll be on a plane for a land I've never seen, away from all that I know and love.  I'm so full of excitement, but also fear of the unknown, I love that about new beginnings.  I can't wait to see what God is going to do, and who I'll be after this is all over. 
Tonight I helped friend move back into town, and she kept saying, "I can't believe I'm here.  I feel like its just a trip, and I'll leave soon".  I expect I'll feel much the same when I arrive in Uganda.  I know it will feel like home, I just don't know if it will be right away, or not until it's time for me to go, or will it ever feel like home.  It's good to know that my home is in God's love, which will never leave me or forsake me.  I can rest the full weight of my anxiety and expectation on Him, and not be left wanting.  So good to know.

God's goodness

Well, after much prayer, tears, joy and fear, the time has come to go to Uganda!  I will be arriving there in January, and returning in June of 2011!  I have been accepted into the Institute of Child and Family.  So for my first trip there, I will be allowing God to dig into my heart and mind, revealing things that keep me from Him, keep me from ministering His heart effectively, as well as getting hands on experience working with kids orphaned by a variety of circumstances.  How great He is to care for the ones who are left with out home and love!  This is the God I serve!  The One who gave His life for the least, which is me, you, and everyone else on the planet, ever.  I am so loved by this God, whose name is Love, and who paid the highest price for me, how could I not give Him everything?  How could I not share this hope of love and home with anyone who is taking in breath?  Despite this Love, I don't share Him like I could, but I want to, Lord give me boldness to share Your Love with those who don't yet know You.
Okay, these are the questions I keep getting asked, so I'll save you the trouble and answer them ahead of time:
What about my job? 
I will apply for a leave of abscence for the time I'll be gone, so I have a job when I return.  I just don't know how long I'll be back in the states for, which may make it hard for them to accept me back.  Pray that God would reveal to me what needs to happen in this area.

What about my apartment?
I'm not keeping it, I plan on living with friends when I return, that way I don't have to pay rent or find someone to live in my place while I'm gone.
Also, I'm praying about leaving my place early, and staying with friends until I leave to save money.  Please pray with me about that.

What about Poser, the cat?
He needs a home!  Anyone looking for a handsome, purring, soft, dog-like sometimes bad cat that will sit on your lap while you watch tv, sleep with you at night and then bite you with no notice?  :)  If interested, let me know! 

Those are the basics.  Feel free to ask me any questions you'd like to! 

Still At It

Hello all, I wanted to post and let you know how its going, what is the latest, and to let you know after my last post that I am not severely depressed or suicidal. I was  struggling, but struggling with hope.  I'd love to answer your questions if you have any about why I wrote what I did, it would take more space than I have here to do it justice, but I would love to talk more if you have questions.

I heard from New Hope Uganda, and they asked if I was still interested in coming in January of 2011.  I said that I was, but also that I could wait if needed, as I trust the Lord's timing.  I don't know what that means, but they said they would get back to me in a shorter time than the previous span when I had not heard from them.  So, keep praying!  We'll see what God does!

I attached a link to a NY times article that gives an update about what the LRA and Joseph Kony are up to now.  I prayed for a long time that he would be kicked out of Uganda, and aparently he has left there, but only to wage more terror on other people in the Democratic Republic of the Cogno, and the Central African Republic.  Everything he does is so incredibly evil, please pray for God to bring him to justice and to Himself.  Many people prayed for Kony to leave Uganda, and he has.  Its proof our prayers are at work, we need to keep praying, as only an infinite and all powerful God can stop this kind of evil.  Please pray, people are being killed daily, kids are being abducted to be soldiers and child brides daily.  Even the smallest prayer is powerful, because it is spoken to the Most High God. 

a long look in the mirror

I could take this space to write about how I got a second chance at my Perspectives certificate, and acheived it.  I could take the time to tell you about how I should hear any day now  from New Hope Uganda about whether or not I have been accepted into their Institute of Child and Family.  I could focus on the things that seem to be going right, but that's not the whole truth.

God is showing me the true state of my charachter, and it aint pretty. 
I wish it were.  I wish that simply wanting things to change could change me.  Unfortunately, that is not enough.  In my job as a wraparound facilitator, it seems that I am not prioritizing the right things, that my energy is not being directed in the right areas, the thing I keep getting told is that I need to be more persistent, and be out with my clients more.  This is hard to talk about.  I guess I'm used to doing things when there's an emergency, or its down to the wire.  I want to be faithful in the small, day to day things, but that is not what I am seeing right now. 
I wish I could say this isn't the case in the whole of my life.  I have wanted to begin exercising this year, working towards a lofty goal of running a half marathon.  I have exercised a total of 3 times since January 1. 
I have also wanted to serve my community better, and the Burmese family I am working with doesn't see me as much as needed to be helpful.  I struggle with managing my finances well, and keeping my house clean.  This doesn't begin to touch all of things that I would like to be doing that I know are worth while.

I know it is not about what I do, I am under grace, and I am loved and worthwhile as I am, whether I perform well or poorly.  Jesus loves me as I am, and I am so grateful for that.  I want to serve Him faithfully, not to mention with excellence.  I want Him to say, "well done, good and faithful servant".  As much as I want to be a hard worker, as much as I want to be faithful and reliable, its not about wanting, its about action.  I can want the right things all day, but in the end, what I do, the choices I make, make up the content of my charachter.  I could deny this is the reality, but it would not serve me well.  I have been content in certain areas of my life with being average, and some of those things did lead to excellence later on.  I can't even claim average right now. 

So now, where is my hope?  Is my hope in me getting it right, pulling myself up by my boot straps?  Some of that is certainly needed.  But that is far too small and uncertain thing to hope in.  My hope is in this, "For what I am doing, I do not understand.  For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.  If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good.  But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that lives within me.  For I know that in me(that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good, I do not find....O wretched man that I am!  who will save me from this body of death?  I thank God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh, the law of sin.  There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus"  Romans 7:15-18, 24-8:1a
I have no hope in my flesh, in my ability to get it right.  If its up to me, I will fail.  I could accomplish some things, but ultimately, it is a work of the flesh that will fail.  I am afraid.  I am afraid that I will embarrass myself and bring shame to my Lord.  I believe I am already there.  that means I have no where to go but up.  So the good news is, I have another chance.  I can choose differently tomorrow, but I may not.  My hope lies in the Holy Spirit in me. Jesus doesn't go the easy way, He paid the highest price for me.  Exactly what is the answer, I don't know.  But this I do know, Jesus will complete the good work He has begun in me.  He alone will save me from this body of death.  He is all my hope, and this is the hope that the world needs to hear so badly, use this broken flesh Lord, let Your glory be known.  "Let the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering!"

Goodness

So, since I posted last, it seems I need to clear some things up. I am going to Uganda, that is still my plan, if that wasn't clear after all of my ramblings last time. ;) thanks for your patience with me!

God is sooo good. He provided a person who wants to cover the entire cost of the New Hope Uganda Institute, which is $2,500. That is a huge chunk of what is needed for me to be able to go and attend, now all I need is money to live on and the cost of the plane ride. Nothing is to big for God to do, I hope this encourages you all in your faith, that God will come through at the right time with what you need, even when it seems impossible. It is so fun to take this adventure with Him.

I will be turning in my application for the institute this week. My current pastor has sent in his letter of recommendation, I'm waiting on two more, and then we'll see what happens next. Perhaps I'll be leaving in July for Uganda, and perhaps it will be January of 2011. I'm thinking it will be January, but I'm planning kinda for July, just in case they have an opening for me.

I'm just feeling thankful and expectant about what God is going to do, as He has done so much already. I will wait on Him, He's worth it.

For His glory alone...

Wow, sorry to those of you trying to follow my blog to keep up with what is going on with Uganda, but here is what has been goin' on.

I prayed, along with my loved ones, during the month of July, to see what God was saying. I was starting to think that maybe it was just me, and maybe God didn't really want me to go. What came out of that was that no one had any red or yellow lights about it, and that I needed to go on a short term trip. That made perfect sense to me!

In late August, I began taking the Perspectives course, which prepares you to share the gospel cross culturally. (BTY- God led a former alumni of Perspectives to pay for someone who was going through the class, and I was selected! Praise God!) Lesson number 2 is about the glory of God. The thing that hit home to me, is that just because I want to go, that does not necessarily mean I am called. So I prayed, a lot.

I met IAC's missions team, and told them about my journey with God and what has led me to believe that I am called to Uganda. I told them (see post #1) my story. I asked them not to just pray about whether or not I am called, but asked them to pray about what God gets out of this, how His name will be made great as a result, and if they couldn't see that, then I didn't want to go. They felt that it was already evident that God's name would be praised by this venture, which is the most important thing. It is so easy to loose track of who we are serving. It is so easy to believe that we are serving God, when we may be serving our own sense of self, adventure, or just our own kingdom making ourselves look good. There was a point when I was asking God and myself, "isn't just enough that I want to go?". I know the answer now, and it is a no. It's no if I am purporting to be going under the direction of God. So what's the point? The point for me is that it is easy to build a kingdom for myself and call it God's will. I get a lot of praise and pats on the back just for wanting to go, so it would be be easy to go and believe that God wanted that, when all that was really going on was me wanting some adventure, and some credit. Yuck. If any of you see this in me, feel free to show me my shortcoming.

After a lot of prayer, I do feel this is what God wants, but my pride is ever lurking, waiting to take the credit for something that is all the Lord. One of the things that has been a confirmation for me is my dear friend Moni, reminding me of a conversation we had not too long before I began to feel called to Uganda. We were talking about our lives and our future, and I said that I never thought I would go on a missions trip, as I felt I had enough work to do here.

Anyway, thanks for listening in on the life lesson I learned recently, but the missions team encouraged me to do some things: start serving with refugees here in the Springs, get more info on New Hope Uganda, and begin by going to New Hope's 4 month mission institute that prepares you to be a missionary, no matter where you are going to serve. I think that is all sound advice.
The more I learn about New Hope Uganda, the more I see God at work there.

What I know now is that the 4 month institute begins in January and July, so here's hopin' for July!

I'll keep you all posted! Thank you all for your prayers, they are so precious to me.